I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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