She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This baby is an asshole
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
