it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
