Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
