I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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