dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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