I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i drank out of a bidet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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