i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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