Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
