we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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