Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
