I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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