remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
