you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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