Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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