im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize