You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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