How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
