My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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