I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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