he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
one two three fourrrrnication!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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