those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
