I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
