My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Farmville is her only friend.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize