would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
