Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Let's get the cat blown out
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
