nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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