Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
