I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
