Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my liver is dry heaving
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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