i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
