apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
