When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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