I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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