When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize