tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
