I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
