Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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