life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
