And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
