you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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