I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
