do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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