GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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