Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
