i need an iv and a liver transplant
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
