Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
