wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
