So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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