well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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