I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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