I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
