Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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