Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Randomize
