Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
