The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
