The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
