wrigley field is MILF paradise
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wear drunk well.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
