you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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