you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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