they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
