We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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