do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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