So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
