I skipped work to stalk him.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
