oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
