Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
