You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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