I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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