so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
