Don't make out with my wife yet
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
